Detach and go

Back then, I was so stupid
I thought that, when you try and as much as you can speak Japanese
and often speak to other lab mates, try to be close to them,
eventually you will be recognized as one of them.
Apparently, in the end, it is not the case
(or was it, it is not always the case?)
As what I have shared about things that somebody have already posted,
the truth is, you will always be the outsiders and aliens.
It seems and sounds sad
But, from what I have experienced,
Crying, regretting or even, forcing entering that socially established structure
will never get you being accepted as one of them.
Worse, it might not help you achieving your own goal while you were there.
So, what I have decided and been doing recently is,
detach from the group, do my work, go home, and hang out with other circles.

Unlike, in Indonesia, when you enter one work circle,
it is important to be the part of the circle, therefore, you will get your work done nicely.
I think, even a foreign worker, if he/she can speak Indonesian,
do like what Indonesian do, it is highly possible to be admitted as part of the group.
There might be little groups within that group, however, there is  a feeling of
belong to this general group.
From what I heard, Indonesians are known to be very friendly and warm,
I think it is in our nature, to us, it is natural
for foreign people, probably for Japanese, such treatments will be highly appreciated,
since they might not found in their own country, in which, hierarchy and
the fact that you have the same nationality are things that get them into each other
Outsiders will always be the outsiders, no matter what the outsiders do.

Therefore, if you go to Japan and stay for quite long time,
my best advices would be,
1. showing all of your personality is useless, here, the more important is identity as a group,
show what is necessary, other things unrelated, keep it for yourself or for your foreign friends.
2. do your BEST work, good is never enough. And keep it constant. They might seem not care about you, but behind your back, they watch you closely,  they test you without even letting you know. (this is why also I said to you the first point)
3. be nice and polite in appropriate level. Do not expect if you are friendly to them, they will also do the same. Do not expect, they will get closer to you, when you try to get closer to them.
4. after you have done your work, get out. You might hang out with them a couple of times, again, it will not be a guarantee you are considered as one of them.
5. hang out with other circles. This circle only work out for your professional goals. It is not for making friends. If you have friends (a REAL one), good for you! it is a bonus! Be thankful for it. If you do not have, stop regretting, get out and find other circles.
6. do not worry if you can not speak japanese, even if you can speak japanese, it is not a guarantee, you will be accepted for what you are. Do not be discouraged. If this place can no handle you, there are still other countries (and your own country) will welcome you.

Leaving My Heart Opened

He has entered my life unexpectedly
I had moved on from the previous shipwereck
and too afraid to open my heart
But then, his caring and kindness might attract me once again
and when I realized I have once again opened my heart
to another chance

I did not open my heart without any consideration
His friend, who is my friend too, told me,therefore, convinced me
that his friend likes me, adores me, but he does not want to loose me.
To him, he was nothing compared to me
As a man, he should provide for his spouse and family
And so, even he forced me to tell him that he has feeling for me
he will have nothing to offer for me
They were all not exactly his words, but my friend can read his mind,
and some came from his questions to my friend.
On the other side, he is a gentleman;
I want to believe he is

But on the other side, I am to tired to wait
I have enough with this uncertain stories of relationship
anymore
I am tired to be rejected,
catching false signs,
falling into some false hopes

Is leaving my heart opened too risky?
is it worth the probable good relationship
which might come?
or will it never come?
I was very confident that I can live myself
without any companion
It is my calling
At least, I thought, it was....

My friends said, you will never find out
until you open your heart to any possibilities
Yet, sometimes, for me, leaving my heart opened
might as well mean leaving my wound opened.
An almost cured recent wound
Which took one and half years to cure

It is much easier to close everything
to find comfort in God`s love
Besides, no human love can be equal like God`s
Does leaving your heart opened to someone else
mean God`s love is not for you?
Not enough, you still want someone loves you,
someone that physically real?
Do I now sound a little bit pathetic?

It is what it is

Pretty much sums up what I have experienced during my study here

http://www.thejapanrants.com/blog/working-with-japanese-people/

God's Message: Righteousness and Priority

I want to share you some great messages I got from attending the mass service in Jubilee Church while I was in South Korea; it was great I want to share in this blog!

the main reading was from Matthew 5:6; and talk about hunger and thirst about righteousness;

1. Nothing in this world can satisfy your sole appetite aside God. Admit and recognize you are a sinner, and you need His grace and love to survive. The hunger and thirst in this verse not about mid hungry for the next meal; it's about if you dont get it, you will die

2. Righteousness is not about doing right thing, is about having right relationship ( right relationship) , in this case, esp with God.
Listening is the key

3. Fulfilling your hunger and thirst to righteousness does not replace your other hunger; it replaces other hungers in the appropriate places. Esp; if you want to pursue famousity, after recognizing God, you want to make God famous through your life